If you were in a toxic relationship or dating someone that made you feel like shit, you would let them know and/or remove yourself from the equation. And if you wanted to meet someone romantically, you would ask a person out to coffee or for a drink, you would sign up to a new hobby or a club, you might use an app, you would look up from your phone, make eye contact and smile, your energy would be more open, you would have to get out of your comfort zone.
The same goes for friendships. You absolutely do not have to put up with spending time with people that don’t make you feel awesome (and as a woman, your intuition will not hesitate in letting you know who is and isn’t good for you). And it IS possible as an adult to make new quality friends.
It isn’t always an easy or comfortable experience, but it is soooo necessary for your wellbeing. The people you are surrounded by have a profound affect on the way you think, act, and speak.
So my advice for those that want to focus on improving the quality of their friendships:
STEP 1. Know that being okay with your own company and hanging out with yourself is AWESOME. When I see people taking themselves out to lunch or the movies, reading a book by the ocean on their own, I NEVER feel sorry for them. I always admire them and feel more confident to do it myself. When you genuinely love your company, it means you are more likely to be conscious and picky of who else you give your time and energy to.
STEP 2. Reach out to someone you admire or you like the vibe of. This might be someone rad you follow on social media, someone you met once at a party, or someone you know but not that well. We get scared of rejection but wouldn’t you rather act out of love than be paralysed by fear? Wouldn’t you rather know that you tried? Michael Jordan says you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. You will never know the beautiful friendships that could blossom if you don’t at least reach out and try.
STEP 3: Join up to a club or a community exercise facility and attend the events they host. It’s one thing joining a new group, but it’s a whole other thing going along to the events – especially on your own! It may seem like everyone knows each other and it may even seem clique-y, but everyone was once a new person and everyone knows what it feels like to be the newbie. People are a lot kinder and welcoming than you think. So if you are open to feeling a little out of your depth, you will create some incredible connections with people who share the same passions as you do.
STEP 4: Be vulnerable. Be honest. Share how you really feel because chances are people around you feel the same. Expressing that you want to meet new people or you are experiencing feelings of loneliness does NOT make you look weak. It shows courage. And I bet by sharing that, you will allow the space for others to breathe and reply, “same”.
So be open, be brave, and have hope. You always reserve the right to set boundaries and meet new people. You do deserve quality friendships. You are loveable.